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 How do I begin to talk about surviving the first year of cancer? How do I put into words the devastation and frightening feelings with just hearing the diagnosis “You have a malignancy”? I will attempt to share my thoughts on what it takes to survive a diagnosis and the subsequent treatment options.
As I heard the surgeon explain the results of the biopsy, life seemed to stand still. All at once I became frozen in my tracks, breathless, stunned and overwhelmed. Perhaps you can relate to a time in your life when you were overcome with emotion and your mind is racing out of control attempting to sort the reality of what you have heard or seen. I find there are commonalities in the cancer journey. The path takes us from discovery, deciding on the treatment team, treatment itself, support system, rehabilitation and follow up. Oh, yes, and most important, finding a way to manage the physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental aspects of the journey.
Surviving cancer the first year starts with the discovery. For me, it started a year ago, an ordinary working day, and a Christmas CMSA chapter meeting that evening. As I was driving to the chapter meeting I experienced a nagging itching at my back right shoulder. I found out later that a nagging itching can be a sign of cancer. A week later, I noticed that my lymph node under my right arm was swollen along with the presence of a red streak. I was diagnosed with cellulitis, and told women often get this from shaving. I was directed to take antibiotics, get a mammogram just to make sure, and see my gynecologist in the mean time.
After three weeks the swelling reduced in size and the streak disappeared. My mammogram was negative; the swollen lymph gland was small but still there. I was referred to a breast surgeon who concurred with the diagnosis of an infection and gave me more antibiotics. I was feeling worse and decided to seek a second breast surgeon’s opinion. The second breast surgeon performed a biopsy the very next day. The biopsy results revealed a triple negative cancer at the tail of the breast. He not only performed a biopsy but removed a tumor the size of a baseball beneath the lymph node. He is one of my heroes in my journey—his quick response and doing the right thing at the right time, I believe, made the difference in my outcome.
Managing the Diagnosis
Another hero, my brother who has been living with ALS for seven years, gave me the inspiration to manage my diagnosis. His words stayed with me during the dark days of treatment. You have received an unwelcome guest in your life. A chapter in your book of life that you did not want to have and must live it. It is now a part of your life and your job is to do battle! Every day you must live with it and fight it. And so it began!
Treatment Team
I was informed that the cancer was brisk and spreading quickly. And the treatment team comprised of multiple surgeons, medical and radiation oncologists and pathologists, needed to do further testing. With drainage tubes intact, pain meds in tow and my cheerleader daughter-in-law at my side, I was tested from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. Brain MRI, breast MRI, PET scans, MUGA scans—and on it went. The tests results showed the cancer was localized. I was placed on a fast track to treatment. My medical oncologists expressed deep concern and with a sense of urgency said I was to start the Adriamycin immediately. I can still remember how the nurses (more heroes) led me to the treatment room. I stood there talking and patiently they said to me, “Barbara you need to sit down so we can start.” Just sitting down took a lot of courage. I could not believe this was happening to me.
Becoming Part of the Team
As a case manager I am addicted to the facts. So this was no different, I had research to do and questions to ask. I became part of the treatment team. I needed help for those days I was too weak to be my own advocate. My sons received a crash course on case management. Isn’t it just like a case manager? If we are not case managing others we are teaching others about case management, even when facing our own illness.
In Summary: Surviving the First Year
In summary I did battle for my life this year. Surviving the first year took strength, courage, fight, sustaining a positive can-do attitude, and, most important, advocating for the best care. It took having the will to survive and finding reasons to do so. I found my reasons every time I looked into my son’s eyes. I was not ready to leave them.
It took the support of an entire resource community to help me survive this year. My family, friends, cancer survivors, neighbors, medical and radiation oncologist, pathologists, technicians, pharmacists, home care nurses, and physical therapists. It took the constant reassurance from my sister telling me I would be OK. I needed every one of them.
Here I am a year later and the PET scan and tumor markers are normal.
I will be a grandmother in the spring and have a trip to Italy planned. What a difference a year makes. For me the words from this song, I Have a Dream, summarizes the experience of surviving cancer this first year:
“I have a dream a song to sing it helps me cope with anything. If you see the wonder of a fairy tale. You can take the future even if you fail. I believe in angels something good in everything I see. I have a dream a fantasy to help me through reality. And my destination makes it worth the while pushing through the darkness still another mile.”
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